The dance with disagreement!
Quick, slow, slow! …it sounds like a steps in a ballroom dance. That’s because it is. It’s part of the Foxtrot. I only know this because I googled it, not because I can dance it. I can though, do a decent dad dance, (something I’m practicing for Zoe’s wedding). …Quick, slow, slow is also “James speak” for dealing with disagreement. He says:
James 1:19-21 [19] My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, [20] because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
This is great advice in how to exercise self control when in confrontation with another person. …Be instant listeners to the other side. Don’t jump to conclusions, give them space to talk, (or vent). Weigh up what they say, before you say anything. Consider their words before you use any yourself.
And then take time in your response. Choose your words carefully. Remember - what you say, (and how you say it), has the potential to either diffuse or inflame. Proverbs 15:1 says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” …Let your response be both truthful and gracious. One of John’s descriptions of Jesus was that He was full of “grace and truth” - His words were not harsh, they were full of grace.
The final step in that dance with disagreement is another “slow.” …Be slow to become angry. It’s entirely possible that your measured and gracious response will be met with further hostility. …If so don’t let it light your fuse.
There’s a reason why James wants us to take his advice - it’s because anger in that context rarely achieves anything other than more anger. In an argument one word borrows another and very soon things can deteriorate to the point where no-one’s backing down. As he says in verse 20: “human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Are you in a conflict with another person. Before it escalates, (or escalates any further), remember James’ dance with disagreement - quick, slow, slow. …Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. …We’ll pray.
Lord Jesus when you were on the cross, surrounded by a hostile and confrontational crowd, you refused to react. Instead your words were few and full of mercy. You prayed to your Heavenly Father for them. Lord help me to follow your example. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Amen